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Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has traditionally served as the safe haven in everyday journalism, and publications remain attentive to significant toilet tales and historic moments, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to discover that an online journalist Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who understood the bathroom rather too directly, and was rescued from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat against Fleetwood Town. “His footwear was missing and had lost his mobile phone and his headwear,” explained a representative from Barnsley fire services. And nobody can overlook during his peak popularity with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college to access the restrooms in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking round the campus like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday marks 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down from the England national team post a quick discussion within a restroom stall alongside FA executive David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the historic stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room directly following the fixture, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies found him slumped – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find [for a chat] that was private?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with an England manager as players dived into the water. Just a single choice remained. The toilet cubicles. A significant event in English football's extensive history took place in the vintage restrooms of a stadium facing demolition. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, subsequently confessing he considered his tenure as national coach “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably in the quarter of a century since. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the technical area Keegan previously used. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Real-Time Coverage

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for women's football cup news concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“We stood there in a lengthy line, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a chilly look. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What does a name matter? A Dr Seuss verse exists called ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations on the school grounds with children he expected would overpower him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|